I’m going to start off by introducing myself.
Hi, my name is Tam. I am 34 years old, I am a little bit chunky, have questionable dress sense, really decent hair and a bit of a potty mouth. I am married to the most amazing man, Rupert, and have a beautiful and insane daughter named Isla. We also have a terrible bastard cat called Lola.
I used to be interested in eating out at restaurants, drinking copious amounts of wine, going on holidays to Plett and basically making everything I saw on Pinterest. Now my interests include poo- the colour , the texture, why is there so much? Why is there so little? Has she been eating grass? Anything to do with poo. And wine, I still need my wine to deal with all of the poo.
Isla is 9 months old and already rules our house with a sticky fist. We often remark that it’s like living with a tiny drunk person. How so, you ask? Well…
She crawls around on the floor, banging her head into everything. She swings between laughing and crying so easily, sometimes both at the same time. She wants to eat anything I am eating, even if it’s in my mouth. She then hates what she has stolen from me and throws it on the floor. She drools. She farts with wild abandon. She shits herself. She is completely irrational. And she likes to put her face right against mine and either taste me or shout nonsense at me. Just yesterday I heard this funny clippy cloppy sound and saw that she had somehow managed to stand on her rice cakes which stuck to her feet like little low carb shoes.
While this may have been seen as a good time when I was a student living on Kloof Street, I find it so exhausting now. I mean, imagine having to look after your old drunk housemate 24/7.
But it is hilarious, and I pretty much spend all of my time trying to take blackmail videos and photos of her, so one day when she decides that I am embarrassing, I can take it up a level. Look Isla’s friends, this is the time she pooped in the bath and her dad had to scoop it out with a fish net.
But at the end of the day, it took us 3 years to fall pregnant with this little whirlwind and I could not fathom a life without her. Life before baby seems like a distant memory, but I would not change anything, even the poo!