Many days I sit and wonder what the purpose of my existence would be without my children. I seem to have forgotten what used to make me happy, and what I used to do to make my life meaningful. Reading, connecting with friends, carefree weekends and holidays, waking up at 10am – just to name a few.
I think about the memories I keep close to my heart, and how everything has changed. All the things I have lost – the friends that promised to remain in my life, my social activity, sleep (a lot of it), my stomach muscles (I’m sure they are in there somewhere), time, and … my mind. I may have lost all of these things, but having my boys in my life have made it all worth losing. They have remarkably transformed my life, for the better.
I struggle to imagine my world without them. They made me realise that growing up isn’t as bad as I anticipated. I have had to make sacrifices, I let go of journeys I no longer had the ability to fulfil, but there were new journeys, journeys that I was undeniably ready for. My entire world is viewed through different eyes. The eyes of a Mother. This is who I am.
To my boys, Jamie and Riley, This is my wish for you…
I hope I will always have the strength to guide you through life, I hope you will learn to love, respect and be selfless. I hope that you will never feel alone and always have the courage to accept who you are. I pray that one day you will meet someone who will love you unconditionally. I promise to pick you up when you fall, and preserve your heart for as long as it will allow me the privilege, and in turn I hope that your heart will display everything that I have taught (and yet to teach) you.
Every living day I am incredibly thankful, and I am abundantly blessed to have both of you in my life. I get to wake up to your smiles every day, be a part of your childhood, hold your hand and nurture you, guide you through life and demonstrate the knowledge I carry to make your life nothing short of exceptional.
In your life, there will be tough times that will, unexplainably, be out of your control, these moments will dampen your spirit, but without these tough lessons, you will not learn. Despite these moments, know that I will always protect you, and even though you will not always grant me the benefit of the doubt regarding my decisions or be confident to trust my judgement, know that I will forever have your best interests at heart.
Even in moments that I feel discouraged, I look at you, and I know that I am loved. I have the rest of your life to look forward to. Thank you.
It’s in all of these magical moments, that I realise I have gained so much more than I have bargained for. Bringing you into this world has been my greatest adventure yet, you gave life to me, more than I ever had the privilege of giving you.
I will never look back, for all of your days are written in my book.
~I love you bigger than the sky~